Camilla Jessen
They take more effort than we think.
There is no shortage of advice about long-distance romantic relationships: how often to call, how often to visit, and what mistakes to avoid.
But long-distance friendships rarely receive the same level of attention — despite being equally common and equally important.
As people move away for work, education, or personal reasons, maintaining friendships over distance has become a shared challenge.
And yet, unlike long-distance relationships, long-distance friendships are often treated as something to “get used to” rather than something to actively maintain.
From Side-by-Side to Miles Apart
A long-distance friendship can begin at a distance. Someone you meet while travelling, people you connect with online, or study exchange pals.
Others begin at home, growing close through everyday life until one person moves away.
Those are the ones that hurt most. The ones where your day-to-day routines are suddenly missing a person. When a friend who was once at every birthday dinner or late-night rant session now lives 600 kilometers away.
It feels like a loss. And it kind of is — at least the way things used to be.
But that doesn’t mean the friendship is over. It just means it needs to adapt.
Long-Distance Friendships Are Work
There’s a myth that says: “A true friend is someone you can go without talking to for months, and pick up right where you left off.”
Yes, some friendships can survive long silences.
But deep, ongoing connection takes work. If you don’t stay in touch, share life updates, or spend time together (even virtually), you risk growing apart. That doesn’t mean the love disappears — but the closeness does.
I’ve learned this the hard way, losing long-distance friendships I once thought were unbreakable. No effort = no friendship. That’s the simple truth.
How to Maintain Long-Distance Friendships
Here are 5 simple habits to make it work.
1. Stay Part of Each Other’s Everyday Life
Ask small questions. Tell small stories.
“Did your headache get better?”
“What are you doing this weekend?”
These tiny check-ins help keep the thread alive.
They say: I still care about the little things. And that’s what friendship is built on.
2. Pick Up the Phone (Even If You Hate It)
Phone calls are still one of the most effective ways to maintain connection. They feel more personal, more real.
Hearing each other’s voice builds familiarity and trust. Setting regular times to call — even briefly — creates a useful rhythm that strengthens the bond.
3. Short and Frequent Is Better Than Long and Rare
Brief check-ins are often more effective than long, infrequent conversations.
Staying in touch regularly, even for five minutes, allows for the sharing of everyday moments rather than just major life updates.
This helps the friendship stay rooted in the present rather than drifting into the past.
4. Meet in Person When You Can
While digital communication helps, nothing replaces face-to-face time.
Planning visits in advance — around holidays, birthdays, or long weekends — helps maintain the emotional depth of the friendship.
Both parties must be willing to invest time and effort into making these meetings happen.
5. Create New Memories, Not Just Updates
Don’t let your friendship turn into a back-and-forth report.
Plan experiences: holidays together, museum trips, shared projects, movie nights over Zoom.
Live a little life together, not just next to each other.
The Honest Truth
Long-distance friendships aren’t easy.
They take energy, time, planning, patience, and — at times — money.
But they also come with intensity and intention: when you do see each other or talk, it’s full of presence and purpose.
Sometimes, you get even closer because of the distance.
