Camilla Jessen
Being well-liked opens doors. Whether it’s forging better relationships, avoiding conflict, or advancing your career, likeability plays a quiet yet powerful role in everyday success.
Want to be more likeable? Don’t try to impress. Instead, ask for help.
It may sound counterintuitive, but the key to winning someone over—especially someone who doesn’t like you—is to ask them for a small favor.
The Benjamin Franklin Effect
Named after the American founding father, the Benjamin Franklin Effect is the idea that people like us more after doing us a favor. Not the other way around.
Franklin once turned a political enemy into a friend by simply asking to borrow a rare book. The man agreed. From that point on, their relationship improved drastically.
“If I Helped Them, I Must Like Them”
According to Esquire, this counterintuitive phenomenon is rooted in how our brains handle cognitive dissonance, the discomfort we feel when our actions don’t match our beliefs.
If someone helps you despite not liking you, their brain will seek to resolve that inconsistency.
The easiest fix? They decide they do like you after all.
Why Cognitive Dissonance Makes This Work
Let’s say you ask a coworker you don’t get along with to lend you a charger. They agree.
Now they’re left with a mental conflict: Why did I help this person I dislike?
Their brain tries to reduce the discomfort, often by adjusting their view of you. “Maybe they’re not so bad.”
That internal shift is what makes this effect so powerful.
How to Use the Benjamin Franklin Effect in Real Life
It’s important to note, that this isn’t about manipulation. According to experts, it’s about creating small moments of trust and connection.
Here’s how you can naturally apply the effect:
1. Start Small
Ask for easy, low-effort favors: a quick opinion, help moving a chair, or borrowing a pen. The goal is to trigger the effect without putting pressure on the other person.
2. Make It Personal
If you know someone’s interests or strengths, tailor your request around them. People love sharing knowledge about things they care about and it shows you value their expertise.
3. Avoid Overuse
Don’t constantly ask for favors. If you do, it starts to feel transactional. Use the effect sparingly and strategically, especially in new relationships.
4. Always Show Gratitude
Follow up with a heartfelt thank you or a compliment. This reinforces the positive connection — and makes future interactions smoother.
In the Workplace: Turning Awkward into Opportunity
The Benjamin Franklin Effect can be particularly useful in professional settings:
Turning Around a Cold Relationship
If a colleague seems distant, ask for help with a task they’re good at. You’re not only inviting collaboration but also showing respect for their skills.
Building New Connections
At a networking event? Ask someone for their opinion on a topic you know they’re interested in. It makes the interaction feel genuine and personal.
Improving a Tough Negotiation
Even in high-stakes settings, a small, harmless request — like borrowing a pen or asking for clarification — can lower tension and humanize the moment.
Why It Feels So Natural
Another reason this trick works? Reciprocity.
When you ask someone for help, it implies you trust them — and people tend to return that positive sentiment. Helping others also triggers feelings of competence and value, which they subconsciously associate with you.
Don’t Push It Too Far
The Benjamin Franklin Effect only works if your requests feel natural. If you push too hard or ask too often, people will feel used — not flattered.
Especially in professional contexts, maintain boundaries. Don’t ask for personal favors or share too much too soon. Respect and timing matter.
