Putin Considers Paid Leave for Baby-Making to Save Russia

The Kremlin is scrambling to incentivize reproduction before the population crisis deepens.

Putin’s Bold Baby Plan

In a bizarre yet very real effort to reverse Russia’s plummeting birthrate, President Vladimir Putin is weighing a proposal to grant every Russian one week of paid annual leave, specifically for the purpose of making babies.

A Holiday for Hanky-Panky

Kremlin-loyal MP Georgy Arapov, age 25, proposed the idea of a “demographic week” where workers can decompress, meet potential partners, and ideally, start families.

The goal is more babies, less stress, and a break from the war-driven gloom clouding modern Russia, according to Express.

Russia Population is Shrinking

With the country’s fertility rate dropping to just 1.41 children per woman, and an estimated 950,000 military casualties in Ukraine, Russia’s demographic future looks grim.

The Kremlin is scrambling to incentivize reproduction before the population crisis deepens.

Lights Out, Legs Up

Among the more jaw-dropping proposals was one that suggested turning off the internet and electricity nationwide from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. to encourage intimacy.

According to state-backed voices, if you can’t scroll TikTok, you might just roll over and start a family.

‘Ministry of Sex’ Could Be a Real Job Title

In true Russian bureaucratic fashion, some officials have even floated the idea of establishing a Ministry of Sex to coordinate procreation policies.

Duties may include matchmaking, bedroom diplomacy, and budgeting for candles.

Tax the Childless

Orthodox archpriest Andrei Tkachev has taken a more punitive approach, demanding a childlessness tax on men over 40 with no kids.

He dubbed them “human drones” and questioned whether they were “castrated” or simply too selfish to reproduce. Subtle, no?

First Dates on the Kremlin’s Dime

One regional idea would reimburse citizens for first dates, up to around £40.

You would need to prove it wasn’t just a Tinder coffee run. Bonus points if it results in pregnancy, presumably.

Student Baby Bonuses: Cash for Campus Cradles

In Khabarovsk, young female students are now offered around £900 per child, while students in Chelyabinsk can rake in up to £8,500 for their first newborn.

Move over scholarships, fertility is now a fast-track to financial aid.