Kathrine Frich
Her parenting philosophy is grounded, relatable, and refreshingly honest.
Her parenting philosophy is grounded, relatable, and refreshingly honest.
Michelle Obama may have raised her daughters, Malia and Sasha, in the White House, but her parenting philosophy is grounded, relatable, and refreshingly honest.
On a recent episode of the IMO podcast she co-hosts with her brother Craig Robinson, Obama opened up about what she got right and wrong as a mother, including her views on discipline, freedom, and the one mistake she sees many modern parents making.
Discipline Doesn’t Have to Mean Spanking
Michelle Obama admitted she once spanked her daughters, but quickly realized it wasn’t for her.
“It took a couple of spankings for me to like, you know what? This is a little kid,” she said. “I felt embarrassed.”
Her takeaway was that if hitting is the only tool in your toolbox, it might be time to rethink the approach.
Advice Has an Expiration Date
Both Obama and her podcast guests, actors Damon and Marlon Wayans, agreed that eventually, kids stop wanting to hear what their parents think.
Obama pointed out that the “I don’t want your opinion” phase can start earlier than you’d expect, and that parents need to prepare themselves for it.
Silence Can Be More Powerful Than Criticism
Damon Wayans gave an example: criticizing a child’s partner often leads them to defend the relationship.
“If you just step back,” he said, “they’ll see what I see and quicker.”
Obama echoed this, suggesting that stepping back creates space for self-discovery.
Letting Go Means Trusting What You Taught Them
“You know, I raised y’all to have some sense,” Obama said of her daughters. “And at some point, you’ve got to practice that, which means that I’ve got to let go.”
Trust, she added, is part of the learning process. not just for kids, but for parents too.
Modern Parents Try Too Hard to Prevent Mistakes
Obama sees a common issue in today’s parenting: the urge to shield kids from all pain and failure.
But in doing so, she warns, we rob them of the opportunity to learn and build resilience.
“That keeps them from learning,” she said.
Failure Is the Only Guarantee in Life
“Everybody’s trying to hold onto their kids,” Obama noted,
“but one day they’re going to get out there. And the only thing that is for certain… is they’re gonna get hit with some failure.”
Her message: better to prepare them for it than pretend it won’t happen.
Even the White House Wasn’t a Bubble
Obama shared that even while living under intense scrutiny, she gave her daughters freedom to explore, make choices, and deal with consequences.
That trust, she believes, helped them become more grounded and self-sufficient.
Show That You Trust Them—Even When They Slip
Whether it’s letting them date a “knucklehead boyfriend” or make questionable fashion choices, Obama says parents should sometimes hold their tongue.
Demonstrating trust teaches children that they can return to their parents when things go wrong.
Kids Learn More From Doing Than Hearing
Obama’s approach values experience over lectures.
Letting children face the real consequences of their decisions, she said, is what builds lasting judgment, not parental micromanagement.
A Little Distance Can Build Stronger Bonds
Letting kids fail doesn’t mean abandoning them, it means stepping aside so they can discover their own strength.
“When they do fail,” Obama said, “they’ll come back.”
That return, she suggests, is rooted in trust, not control.