Is the intentional living trend taking things too far?

Living “intentionally” is having a cultural moment. On TikTok and Instagram, it’s become a way of life, one where every decision, from your skincare to your social calendar, is deliberate and meaningful. To live intentionally is to optimize everything, even downtime, with thoughtful purpose.

Purpose over autopilot

Modern intentionality suggests that doing things passively, without purpose, is a kind of failure.

As writer Marie Solis put it, “You can just do all of these things. Or you can do them ‘intentionally’.” The message is clear: acting without intention means surrendering control.

A trend beyond wellness

The word “intentional” has moved beyond self-help spaces. It now shapes how we talk about therapy, dating, productivity, and even beauty products.

Brands like Rhode promote “intentional skincare”, implying that anything less is careless or chaotic.

When intention meets anxiety

At its best, intentionality helps us feel grounded. In uncertain times, choosing how to spend our days can ease anxiety.

Planning gives us structure. But experts warn that too much structure may bring its own problems, especially when spontaneity is squeezed out.

Choosing when to choose

Psychologist Barry Schwartz offers a simple but powerful idea: “Choose when to choose.” In other words, not every decision deserves deep thought.

We need to conserve our energy for what truly matters, otherwise, intentionality becomes its own form of stress.

The problem with over-planning

Author Sheila Liming believes that rigid schedules can backfire. In Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, she writes that hyper-intentional lives may look successful, but often lack emotional flexibility.

“A highly scheduled life doesn’t necessarily serve us,” she says.

The joy of doing nothing

Liming champions the value of “hanging out”, simply spending time without a plan. Especially when done with others, this kind of unstructured time can be deeply fulfilling.

It creates space for connection, rest, and ideas that don’t follow a script.

Learning to let go

Liming, once a devoted planner, learned that letting go of rigid control, intentionally, at times, wasn’t as scary as it seemed.

“There might be temporary discomfort,” she says, “but it would be passing.” In fact, flexibility became a skill she could lean on.

Surprise can be good for you

A 2022 study found that talking to strangers boosts happiness, thanks to something called “relational diversity.” New experiences, like chatting with someone unexpected, can make us feel more connected. But we need space in our schedules for such surprises to happen.

Let someone else pick the music

Liming recently swapped streaming services for the radio. It’s a small act, but one with meaning: handing control to a DJ forces her to hear songs she didn’t choose.

Even if you don’t love every track, she says, “You sit through it for three minutes and then it’s over.”

Too much choice is a trap

Schwartz believes our culture overvalues choice. From partners to dishwashers, we’re taught to seek the best option, but at what cost?

“You can’t devote this kind of intellectual and emotional effort to everything,” he says. “It’s exhausting.”

When choice sabotages connection

Being intentional about dating sounds smart, until it becomes counterproductive. Schwartz, who worked on Modern Romance with Aziz Ansari, says the search for the “perfect” person can actually block growth. Real connection comes from staying, not constantly searching.

Make room for intentional unintentionality

So how do we balance intention with ease? By deciding which choices truly matter. Brush your teeth out of habit. Let a friend pick the film.

But when it comes to bigger decisions, like where to live or who to love, use your energy there. As Schwartz writes, “We must decide which choices in our lives really matter and focus our time and energy there.”

This article is made and published by Edith Hejberg, which may have used AI in the preparation