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It might seem polite to wait, but it actually seems to make others feel uncomfortable.
When at a restaurant, do you start eating right away when you get your meal? Or do you wait until everyone at the table has a plate in front of them?
Social norms dictate that we should wait — which makes sense, as a meal is a social experience and should be shared by everyone around the table.
But we might need to throw that norm in the trash and start chowing down as soon as we get our food.
New academic research suggests that serving meals at different times can heighten social discomfort and reduce enjoyment, even though diners believe they are simply being polite.
The study looked at a familiar scenario: one person receives their food first and hesitates, unsure whether to start eating.
While the rule of waiting is widely understood, researchers wanted to know how people actually experience it.
A shared social rule
According to research published in the journal Appetite, most diners feel a strong internal pressure to wait when their meal arrives before others’.
The researchers conducted six experiments in which participants imagined eating with a friend. Some pictured being served first, while others imagined waiting as their companion’s food arrived.
Those served first were asked how obligated they felt to wait. Those still waiting were asked what they believed their dining partner should do.
The self–other gap
The findings revealed a consistent mismatch. People who imagined being served first felt much more uncomfortable about starting to eat than they believed others would feel in the same situation.
Further experiments showed that participants expected to feel worse about breaking the norm themselves than they expected others would. Even when told their companion had explicitly invited them to start eating, many still felt uneasy.
Why discomfort persists
According to Science Daily, Professor Janina Steinmetz explained: “The decision of when to start eating food in the company of others is a very common dilemma. Norm adherence dictates that we wait until all food is served before starting, and disregarding it feels rude and discourteous to us.”
She added that diners focus more on their own internal feelings than on what others may actually think.
Beyond the dinner table
Professor Irene Scopelliti said the issue reflects broader psychological patterns. “This is not just about politeness: it’s about psychological access,” she said, according to Science Daily.
The researchers argue that restaurants and other service providers should consider these dynamics.
Serving groups at noticeably different times may optimise efficiency, but it can also create unnecessary discomfort for customers.
Sources: Appetite, Bayes Business School, Science Daily
