Nicolai Haugsted
The president’s latest project isn’t exactly going as planned.
Grand plans for a historic sports spectacle at the nation’s most famous residence have run into an irritatingly small problem. Dana White, the boss of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and a close ally of the administration, has revealed that a massive swarm of insects has taken over the newly renovated presidential grounds.
Plans are currently underway to transform the executive lawn into a massive open-air fighting arena this June, celebrating both the president’s 80th birthday and America’s semiquincentennial. Heavy construction work previously altered the historic landscape to make it more modern, but the concrete makeover appears to have invited some uninvited winged guests instead.
Dinner Parties and Massive Gnat Attacks
President Donald Trump officially opened the remodeled space just days ago, inviting the UFC president over for a celebratory dinner that quickly turned into a battle against nature.
White did not hold back when describing the chaotic atmosphere on the Boardroom podcast on Monday, expressing immediate concern for the upcoming fight night.
“President Trump just opened the Rose Garden two nights ago, and he invited me to dinner there. The amount of gnats that were flying around. I’m like, ‘Holy s–t,’” explained White.
Fears are mounting that the overwhelming insect problem could disrupt the high-profile television production entirely. Powerful studio lights are known to attract nocturnal pests, meaning the multimillion-dollar lighting rigs could turn the championship bout into a bug-infested nightmare for the fighters.
“As soon as I got on the plane, I called my head of production and said, ‘Yeah, let me tell you about the gnat situation tonight.’ So when you’re a fighter, think about that lighting grid, the amount of power in the lights… moths, gnats, and God knows what else.”
Industrial fans might be deployed all around the venue to salvage the evening, as White noted that gnats have a notoriously difficult time navigating through heavy winds.
High Heels and Bulldozers
Remodeling efforts began in June of last year, when the 79-year-old commander-in-chief decided to bulldoze the historic grass to pave over the traditional garden layout. Critics questioned the aesthetic overhaul at the time, but the former real estate mogul defended the decision by arguing that female guests frequently had trouble walking in high heels on the damp White House turf.
Seating arrangements are being designed to accommodate roughly 5,000 spectators on the South Lawn, immediately adjacent to the newly paved concrete terrace. Ticket sales and logistics are moving forward despite the bug warnings, with the administration expecting a massive turnout for the dual-celebration event.
Production teams are now racing against the clock to find a permanent solution to the pest problem before the first round kicks off under the summer sky.
